My dad was always invited to come to ours every Christmas. Now I knew that he always had a porno video with him. Don't ask me why he felt the urge for onanism and couldn't just cross his legs for two days, at his age at any rate. Not that I’m complaining, it was after all my gain. By that age having a porno in the house for a day or two was more exciting than the ever dwindling amount of Christmas pressies! Remember this was the late eighties and there was no internet porn on tap, as the youth of today have. It was bad enough trying to get your hands on a magazine, so videos were like hen’s teeth. With that, came the task of cramming as much of the porn in as possible with whatever time you had. Well this particular year, either 1987 or 88, not quite sure which exactly and besides, that amount of detail for relevance to the story is negligible. Anyway, as soon as everyone went to bed, on Christmas Eve, I wasted no time in jumping straight into my dad’s overnight bag. The anticipation of a porn flick wank(s) was immense! (I still hold my village's record for the number wanks in one day, so I’ve always been a wanker and am now the wanker’s wanker. Looking back on it now, clearly it was early signs of an experimental science project! Always pushing (In this case pulling!) things to the extreme edges and limits, on top of which I was young, bored and once I'd reached a certain amount, I was aware the challenge was on! Any way I regress, rubbing my hands and undoing my fly, while sticking the video in, my breeks were at my ankles before my erse had hit the sofa. There was no such a thing as a shite, or run of the mill jazz film in those days. We were accustomed to wanking over the lingerie section of catalogues etc. You would occasionally get lucky and find a Fiesta or Rustler mag under a bush somewhere. I mean, for the likes of me, sex was out, I was way too shy in them day's and even when I did get a girlfriend in the whole of secondary school, I would neck and do foreplay, but I just couldn't take that leap of faith and have full sexual intercourse, at that time, eventually she said she wasn't coming back, because I was going away to play on Tarzan swings, whenever she was due round!.
Well back to that xmas eve about ten - fifteen minutes and about four wanks (ha-ha), into the movie all hell broke loose and these people started pissing on each other and instead of being disgusted or judgemental, I FUCKIN LOVED IT! hooked straight away I was. I know in the grand scheme of things, it isn't really and was too young to know it was precisely the pseudo dirtiness of the taboo, that get your juices boiling! Well I hardly went to bed that Xmas eve. Wanked myself stupid, again!
Once in a blue moon, if I was feeling exceptionally sexually frustrated, I mean, sometimes I used to wake up in the middle of the night and I was exploding with sexual lust and an erection that could have been used as a caber. At those points I would have fucked ANYTHING. So I, as you do started doing little experiments with myself. I’d lock myself in the bathroom lie on the floor and piss on my own belly, with a hard on, wank, cum then hate myself with society’s guilt that I'd been brainwashed with since birth.
Years went by from about then on, as by now I'd discovered alcohol. So sexual deviancy was put on hold for the meantime.
I've had several partners, that all partook to varying degrees when I first started mooting the idea for the first time. She was understandably hesitant and wary and she shortly agreed, but with the stipulation she would only piss on me, not vice versa. But the apprehensiveness never came about because she felt she was pandering to a dirty little pervert (she knew that anyway lol). It was because she thought she'd get stage fright!
The next one wasn't keen I guess bet she was open minded enough to get involved with a few compromises to, i.e. I could pee on her, but she couldn't pee on me. Needless to say we didn’t do it much and split up in a relatively short period of time. Nothing to do with that, I might add!
I would never hide stuff I enjoy, from the outside world. I will or I would tell people, if the topic came up as it quite often would, that I smoked cannabis a LOT and would socially take cocaine and stuff, if you lie about these things, you're only lying to yourself and if someone couldn't deal with that it was THERE problem not mine and the ignorance and insular attitudes would prevail evermore if not confronted.
So when sex was the topic and it often was, down our way. If I needed to elaborate, I would say, I love doing golden showers. The disgust on some of my older work colleagues was hilarious. These guys had done nothing but straight backed missionary position for the last 30years. You would always double whammy them, though, the other emerging kink in those days was anal and so they would start slagging anal, "I’m nae shaggin no shitty arse" they'd whine and I'd say, what you talking about dirty? I brandy schnapp, ‘ I’d said, "what the hells that?" They would retort, you lick it all clean first (not that it isn't clean already), it just adds to their ambiance of ignorance and ultimately thy’re own self-loathing for not having the confidence and gumption, to try new things.
Now, I can't remember which Woody Allen film it was, might be Bananas, but it was the first time I'd heard this piece of fact said. Anyway, it’s the line, “The dirtier sex is, the better it is" and along with, “don't knock it till you've tried it”, has been my motto ever since.
Now over the course of my working life (early years, that is!) I had too close mates become, piss enthusiasts. In a big way. The first was at a seasonal job I had in1994 and this guy had willingly and eagerly become my apprentice pervert. When I first had in depth conversations about water sports with him, I could tell he was apprehensive, but hey, the worst thing people do, is just close off their mind and in turn have a boring and shit life. But I'll never forget the look of excitement and happiness in the lad's face one morning. He came bounding straight up to me and half whispered, that they'd tried it and HE FUCKING LOVED IT! He couldn't thank me enough, for encouraging him and giving him the confidence to experiment. If he hadn't of liked it, what would he have lost? Apart from a baths worth of electric! More still to come, however. I would just get it pissed onto my very hard cock and belly/thighs, but he said, fuck that, proper golden shower he had. He said he'd never had a boner like it in his puff. A few weeks later however I passed him his apprenticeship early, due to the fact, our job at the time was in the middle of nowhere. If you need the bog, piss or shite, it was the woods. Now he'd came back from the “toilet” one afternoon with a silly big grin across his face, naturally I asked what was tickling him. Well, when he had had his stool, he'd chosen to have it on a path in the woods "hoping that a mother/daughter combo would be out walking the dog! Well I passed him there on the spot; he'd gone beyond my teachings!
Again the second mate listened, heeded and overtook. About ten years later. At a different place of employment, my mate had spent a week asking questions and wanted to learn how to get past the establishment demons ingrained into your psych from birth. But when Friday came, he said it's this weekend or never.
When we came back on the Monday, he was just like the other lad. The best thing he'd ever done, sexually and preceded to say he had the full shower in the shower too and he said he was open mouthed to let it go everywhere. Another thing both their girlfriends enjoyed it too, what’s not to enjoy? I say.
I myself had not yet peaked. The last long term partner I had, was quite enthusiastic about it when I first said I loved doing it. So the first time she shouted she was ready, from the bathroom, I went through and she was on her knees and kind of head over the toilet and mouth wide open! I nearly shot my wad there and then. Well that was just the start of the best sex life I've ever had, an open mind and your imagination is the limit.
