Fun With Cousin Melissa

Melissa, my 35-year-old cousin, is a grown woman with the heart—and, let’s be honest, the mind—of a perpetual teenager. Never the sharpest tool in the shed, she’s got that dopey expression plastered on her face, complete with what the family calls her “jealous eyes” (those slightly crossed peepers that seem to stare at each other). But dim or not, Melissa’s a blast to be around—like, a lot of fun. She’s the kind of person who turns any outing into a chaotic, unforgettable mess, and that weekend we spent at a cheap motel? Well, that was peak Melissa.nnWe’d decided to get away for a couple of days, nothing fancy, just a dingy motel with flickering neon signs and questionable carpet. Melissa, true to form, brought along a stash of weed, and by Saturday night, she was more than a little stoned. I was sprawled on the lumpy bed, half-watching some grainy TV, when she stumbled out of the bathroom, giggling like a kid. There she was, squeezed into her old high school uniform—plaid skirt, white blouse, the whole deal—beaming with pride. “I can’t believe it still fits me!” she slurred, twirling clumsily. The truth? It didn’t fit. The skirt was riding up, the blouse strained at the seams, and the whole outfit looked like it was one deep breath away from splitting. But who’d have the heart to tell her? Not me, and honestly, it just added to the charm.nnWhat followed was pure Melissa madness. She pranced around the room, striking goofy poses, laughing so hard she snorted. The photos I snapped capture it all: her dopey grin, those jealous eyes glinting under the motel’s harsh lights, the uniform barely holding on as she danced like nobody was watching (though I definitely was). Things got messier—spilled drinks, a pillow fight that left feathers everywhere, and antics best left to the imagination. By morning, the room looked like a tornado hit it, and we hightailed it out before the housekeeping staff could ask questions.nnThese images are Melissa in all her glory: young at heart, blissfully clueless, and unapologetically fun. She might not be the brightest, but she’s got a spark that lights up any room—or trashes it, depending on the night. That motel weekend was a reminder that with Melissa, you’re always in for a wild ride, and the cleanup? That’s someone else’s problem.